How Can I Help My Daughter Stand Up To Queen Bees?

How Can I Help My Daughter Stand Up To Queen Bees?

What can I do to help my daughter to create positive, healthy friendships and stand up to the queen bees?

All the sugar and spice stuff is a bit of nonsense in the cold hard light of day. Girls can be sweet, but they can also be spiteful, cutting and cruel. The best thing you can do is keep talking about it. Help your daughter understand that mean girls are the ones with the problem, not her. She’ll need a lot of help to really understand this, because girls want to belong, which means one of the most painful things that can happen in their world is to be excluded. If she tries to work this out by herself, she’s much more likely to conclude that she’s the problem.

It’s also important to talk to schools about bullying and nastiness. We put our kids in schools in the belief they will be looked after and kept safe. Most schools have policies in place to deal with bullying. If they don’t and the bullying continues, then change schools. Sometimes running away from problems is actually the smart thing to do.

Another thing to watch very closely is the reach of technology in her life. In our day, kids could only be mean to you at school, but now with mobile phones and Facebook the mean kids can reach you 24/7. This doesn’t mean you should stop her from using social media, but you need to help her manage this stuff early before it gets out of hand.

Essentially, the most powerful tool you have to help your daughter is your relationship with her. It’s from talking to you, and maybe even shedding a few tears, that she’ll learn how to manage the toxic and unpleasant aspects of girl culture. She will learn how to do this, but it will take time, patience, and some wise parental guidance.


Nigel Latta is a clinical psychologist, author of The Modern Family Survival Guide

Words by Nigel Latta

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